


Alley Cat of London

by Linorien



Series: 007 Fest 2020 [9]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Inspired by Miraculous Ladybug, One-Sided Attraction, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien
Summary: There's a new local superhero in Havering and Paris Carver is going to get the scoop. She also wouldn't mind if she got scooped off her feet.
Relationships: James Bond/Paris Carver
Series: 007 Fest 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810804
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	Alley Cat of London

**Author's Note:**

> AU Prompt table: Superhero AU  
> Classic table: newspapers

###  April 3

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m in disbelief as much as you are, but the kid has utterly disintegrated the lamppost before it fell into the street and crushed the people there. I can’t understand how he did it either. People of Havering, I’m sure I’m not the first to say it but we may have our own friendly neighborhood superhero. I’ll try to learn more. 

“I must say young man, that was impressive. Such speed. However did you manage it?”

“Just got lucky. Right place, right time. Looks like you and your cameras were lucky too, Miss?”

“Paris Carver. Havering College Herald. Would you do us the honour of taking off your mask?”

“But then you’d know who I am. And so would they. I have to protect my friends.”

“What a mature reasoning. Viewers with so many young kids clamouring for internet fame its a gift to see something thinking bigger. But you do deserve thanks. What name should we use?”

“You can call me Chat Noir, Miss Paris.”

“What a gentleman. And there he goes! Well viewers you saw it here first. Chat Noir, our very own small town superhero is here to keep us safe. We’ll be sure to keep you up to date on all his adventures. From us here at Havering College Herald, we’ll see you round town.”

###  April 17

After a week of robberies, it is our new local superhero Chat Noir who has caught the culprit. Although no name has been released it was a 16 year old boy who has admitted to robbing the local grocery stores. 

The police were led on a chase through the streets when our dashing hero emerged from an alley and extended his staff to trip the burglar. 

“Forgot to keep an eye out for the alley cat,” he quipped. Readers it seems our cat has a sense of humour. 

After a quick hand off to the local authorities, he seemed to glance at something on his hand before extending his staff to bound off across the rooftops. Perhaps there is something on his hand that allows him this extra power.

###  April 25

Chat Noir is proving to be quite the flirt with many rescued women left blushing at this young man’s flirtations. The latest has been Miss Evelyne Johnson, owner of the lost cat found by Chat Noir just yesterday. 

“He’s just so sweet,” Miss Johnson said. “He’s dressed as a cat already with that belt as a tail and those cute little ears! And I’m already a bit of a cat lady as you can see.” She said this with a cat on each shoulder, one in her arms, and three rubbing against her legs. 

He’s been charming everyone from the police to the toddlers who dropped their ice cream cones. With all this flirting, people are beginning to get curious about the man behind the mask. 

Dear readers, this is what we know:

  1. Chat Noir prefers he/him pronouns. 
  2. His powers are primarily enhanced athletic abilities and the ability to disintegrate anything with a single touch. This does seem to be a limited power. 
  3. He is 5’7” tall. 



And that’s it. Now there has been speculation aplenty. We’ve loved seeing you all theorising in our comments. So we’d like to share with you some of our theories. 

Some of you have also noticed that we never see our masked hero during normal working hours. We think its safe to say that running around the borough dressed as a cat isn’t his main occupation. It certainly doesn’t pay well. And he’s not keen to give up his identity. Which could be to protect his friends, since there seems to be no one enemy he is fighting, it may also just be to stop his parents from worrying. Many of our own staff remember days not so long ago when we also snuck out of the house and we begged our friends not to post pictures. 

What have we missed? Let us know any clues you have in the comments below. 

###  May 12

Breaking news, the mask cannot be removed! Chat Noir was not as slick this time as he went up against a man nearly twice his size. The man had started a drunken brawl that escalated and was heading toward assault. Chat Noir came out of nowhere and cracked his staff down on the head of the man but it had no effect. Instead the man yanked Chat Noir forward and tried to rip off his mask. 

Even Chat Noir himself seemed to not know it was stuck to his face. Even as the larger man lifted our hero off the ground and tried again, the mask stayed in place. So readers, we have to ask, is there magic involved? Many of us assumed there was simply some clever technology being provided to the young hero, but perhaps there is something more to this. 

While this is undoubtedly a relief for Chat Noir, we know it disappoints many of you who had been hoping to get him unmasked through subtler means. However, to sooth your disappointment, I can reveal that Chat Noir has promised to give us here at Havering College Herald an exclusive interview! Stay tuned for that in the coming weeks. 

###  June 1

We’re sitting on the roof of the Mercury House which is not a typical place for an interview. Nor is it typical for your interviewee to scoop you up in his arms and lift you to the roof by extending his staff. 

However, he seems to have called in a few favours from all the people he’s helped in this town because there are two comfortable chairs, a small table with light refreshments, and even a convenient extension cord for my computer. I think I detect a blush when I thank him for his consideration. 

After some pleasantries, I get straight to the point. “Chat Noir, you seem to have appeared out of nowhere. Did you move towns or is the superhero gig recent?”

Chat Noir chuckles. “You’re clever, my lady, but if I told you that it may get you one step closer to my identity.”

“Alright, you saw through me. But really, our readers are desperate to know more about the dashing hero who is stalking our streets. Give us something.”

“I prefer the term paw-trolling.” He winks and I think his teeth actually sparkle in the afternoon sun as he says this. “Now what can I share that you clever journalists haven’t already figured out? Oh, my ears?” He points upward, toward the cat ears perched on top of his shaggy blonde hair. “I’m sure it’s not hard to guess that they are just part of the costume, but, by some magic I don’t understand, I do have sharper hearing when I’m masked.”

“Really?”

“Promise. For instance I can hear a police siren approaching that you won’t hear for about, oh, thirty seconds.”

I look at my watch and count while he grabs some cheese and crackers off the tray. It had been hard to tell in the limited pictures available, but his leather gloves do indeed have short claws at the end of them. His fingers are sure as he grabs his snack, so he’s at least plenty used to the nails. 

Thirty three seconds later, I do hear the sirens. “That’s impressive. So have you found that useful?’

“Not actually as useful as you might expect. Typically trouble creates plenty of noise. It is good for finding lost cats though.”

“And you’ve found plenty. Any other special abilities like speaking with animals?”

He laughs. It’s a delightfully baritone laugh. “Speaking with animals, no, that’s impossible.”

“Says the boy with a costume that is magically stuck to him and has fake ears that allow him to hear. Forgive me if I’m more included to believe the impossible lately.”

Chat Noir tips an imaginary hat. “Apologies, my lady Paris. You are quite correct. But no, I cannot speak to animals of any kind.”

“You didn’t correct me when I said magically stuck. Is it magic? Surely you don’t look like this all the time.”

He nodded. “It is magic, or at least that’s what I call it. I have a, a talisman of sorts that controls the transformation. That is all I will tell you about that. I was instructed it is an absolute secret.”

“I understand, though I wish I knew more. So less talk about Chat Noir, let’s learn about the boy behind the mask. No names, just some fun rapid fire questions, you ready?”

“Hit me.”

“What’s your favourite class in school?”

“Gym.”

“Summer or Winter?”

“Summer.”

“Morning bird or night owl?”

“Morning bird.”

“Are you a good dancer?”

“Wanna find out?”

His hand is gracefully extended and I know without a doubt he dances wonderfully. But I must remain professional. “Perhaps later. What is your best feature?”

He thinks for a moment. I cannot tell if it is arrogance or perhaps he hasn’t thought of it before. “My hands.”

“Interesting. When was the last time you were late for something?”

“I was late for dinner last night.”

“Kit Kats or Mars Bars?”

“Orange kit kats.” It’s a decisive answer.

“And last one, I think I know the answer, but if you could be any animal, what would you be?”

“A dog.”

I”m caught off guard my his answer. “Surely a boy who spends time dessed as a cat, has a special affinity for felines?”

He shrugs. “I didn’t really get a choice in the costume. If he knew, a good friend of mine would be downright jealous. It should’ve came to you. With your hair you would’ve looved absolutely purr-fect.”

I shake my head. “I’m more cut out for journalism than anything athletic. Now, I’m sure you have things to do so I won’t keep you too long. Before we wrap up, is there anything you’d like to tell our readers, the people of Havering?”

Chat Noir leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other. His eyes go a bit distant as he thinks. “Tell your readers not to become reliant on me. I’ll help when I can, but both my time and my skill set are limited. I can’t be your comic book style hero.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Spiderman started off pretty small too. Maybe someday we’ll be reading about you saving the world or stopping an assassination.”

Perhaps he hadn’t considered that far into the future, but he looks a bit startled when I mention that. Still, he recovers admirably. “And maybe someday you’ll be writing the newspapers everyone in the world reads.”

He stands up then and I do the same. Kind as he is, we talk for a little more about my own aspirations in journalism. But I can sense that he needs to leave. It is approaching dinner time after all and I wouldn’t want to make him late for a second night in a row. 

Readers, I hope Chat Noir stays for a while because I rather find myself also wanting to get to know this mysterious boy a lot better 

###  April 18

James Bond downloaded the latest edition of the Havering College Herald over morning coffee. As he read it, he got a sinking feeling in his gut. Paris Carver had a crush on him. She was pretty, yes, but the age difference was too great and she didn’t even know it. 

Years ago, it was a gift. But it was more of a curse. He’d been given a ring that allowed him to transform into a superhero. He had destructive powers, incredible athletic abilities, and super hearing. He could save the day like a comic book super hero dressed like a cat. Looking in the mirror, he thought he looked pretty fly. It was especially cool how his whole eyes changed to bright green. 

Or it had been very cool thirty years ago. He’d been given the ring when he was nearly seventeen. Limited by his Aunt’s controlling nature and the boarding school she made him go to, he was always sneaking out, and always getting caught. 

Then someone offered him away to sneak out, do some good, and never reveal who he was? It was a dream come true. 

What wasn’t mentioned, though, was that he would always look about seventeen. 

Every time he uttered the transformation words, his body shrank three inches, his hair grew out, and his costume appeared in a flash of light. His superhero persona never aged.

It was why he could never operate in one borough for long. Sooner or later, someone would notice. It was becoming riskier with the internet, but he hoped it would seem impossible enough for no one to believe it was the exact same person fighting lo level crime for thirty years all across Scotland and England. And that one year in Texas. And that fortnight in Paris.

Usually it was just fear of discovery, but now there was the danger of reputation. He was so stupid. He’d basically taken Paris Carver on a date last night. Private location, food provided, and talk. That’s what all the best dates were. It would be bad for him if his secret got out and there were accusations of pedophilia, but he trusted that Q would smooth over everything. But Paris didn’t have anyone who could do that. And she still had a whole career in front of her. He needed to discourage her. 

Bond’s phone rang. “Hello? This is Bond speaking.”

“James, I’m glad you’re up. Something has come up and you’re needed in the office.”

A mission. Perfect. Exactly the excuse he needed to leave behind Havering for a few weeks. 

###  June 5

There has still been no sign of Chat Noir since our exclusive interview. While some of you believe this is simply end of term stress, and maybe post term travels, I cannot help but wonder if we did not appreciate what we had enough. 

Which is why our journal club is holding a picnic party on the south quad this Thursday and the theme is Chat Noir. Come dressed as your favourite cat about town and join the fun. Be sure to RSVP on our website so we know how many pizzas to order. 

###  June 10

He hoped Q wasn’t monitoring this mission too closely. If anyone could learn Bond’s secret, it would be Q. It would be Tanner’s fault too. Tanner was the only one who knew his secret identity and was also the only one who would think to assign him to a reconnaissance mission where any electronic surveillance would be too dangerous. 

Of course he transformed so he could use his enhanced hearing. Of course someone still saw the flash of light the transformation induced. So of course he was now launching himself across the roofs of Cairo’s trade district dressed as a black cat. He just needed somewhere to transform back so he could blend into a crowd. Sure the Egyptians liked cats, but no one dressed up like one, let alone a black cat. 

Honestly, the thick leather was much better suited for Scotland that Egypt. It would take every bit of transformation magic to get it off. 

As his tail snagged on yet another nail and he lost his footing, he prayed that what he managed to overhear was bloody useful.

**Author's Note:**

> The end? I dunno. I sorta like this weird idea. If you have ideas for continuation, let me know.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Secrets, Spots, and Spies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25168486) by [Linorien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien)
  * [My Younger Self](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294777) by [Linorien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien)




End file.
